Good, Bad, or Different?

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. We talked about a pregnant friend of hers who just had an ultrasound that revealed a spot on the baby's heart; the spot is a soft marker for Down syndrome. A soft marker is any finding on an ultrasound that indicates that the baby may have Down syndrome. There are several soft markers; the presence of a soft marker doesn't mean that the baby has Down syndrome, nor does the absence mean that the baby doesn't have Down syndrome. Tate didn't have any soft markers but has Down syndrome. Another baby might have three soft markers but not have Down syndrome. Does that make sense? Anyway, back to the story. My friend was wondering what to say if further tests show that the baby has Down syndrome. She said that another friend had wondered the same thing and said to call her after the tests were done, whether it was good or bad news. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Bad news? That you have a healthy little baby that has Down syndrome? I guess I didn't even think of that as being bad news. As far as what to say in this specific situation, I told my friend that no matter what she said, it probably wouldn't be the right thing to say. When you've just gotten news that seems devastating, no one can say the "right thing". My only advice was that no matter what, she should not say I'm sorry. In my mind, it's nothing to be sorry about.

On my way back to the office after our lunch, I started thinking about our talk. I realized then that I've become the mom that I really never thought I would be. The mom who doesn't think that Down syndrome is a bad trait for a child to have, just different. I'm not sure when the transformation took place, but I'm very happy (and relieved) that it did. So, friend (who I know reads this blog) ... feel free to forward your friend a link to our blog. Maybe it'll help her realize that even if the results of her test aren't what she's hoping for, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're bad results. Just different.