Mommy guilt

Well, after I posted on Thursday night I felt guilty that I hadn't taken any new pics of Avery and I had 50+ of Tate. So last night after work Avery was playing outside and I took 190 of her. Yes, 190. Mommy guilt can do crazy things to a woman. Anyway, here are a few of them.

This first one was taken yesterday before daycare. Ave has started to choose some of her own outfits and outfit/shoe combos. Enough said. She insists that anything that is pink or purple (no matter what shade or pattern) matches. Makes for some interesting outfits. As I write this she is putting on her too-small Elmo swimsuit on over her valentine pjs. We told her the other day that her too small clothes were being put away in case she has a sister someday. Now every time she goes to put something on and it's too small she says "this is for my little sister but she's not gonna be born yet". And for any of you who are trying to read between the lines, there are not to be any more little St. Louis' on the way, at least not for a while. Back to this picture though. Check out the gesture being made by her right hand. It's constant. I know she doesn't understand, but hopefully she'll outgrow it soon. It makes it difficult to determine why people are staring at us as we walk around Target or the grocery store... is it the middle fingers sticking up or the singing of Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs?

Okay, we are off to the library. Have a great weekend!

Nothing new

I wish I had some great Memorial day stories to tell everyone, but we didn't do anything spectacular this year. Josh spent Friday through Monday reshingling my mom's house with my brother Jeff. They did a great job but both of them agreed that they could think of other things they would rather have been doing. Can't say that I blame them but I know my mom really appreciated it. The weather was okay for most of the job but Monday's starting temp of 43 was a bit brisk. While Josh was roofing the kids and I hung out at my mom's so that we could see Josh when possible and so I could try to help out with the roof. They didn't let me do much, but I was able to work for a few hours removing nails. We are planning on reshingling our house later this year... after seeing what an undertaking it is I'm not too excited about it! The joys of home ownership...

I had coffee with a woman on Tuesday. Her son is 6 weeks younger than Tate and also has Down syndrome. It was so great to connect with a mom of a younger child who is going through basically the same things that we are as a family. We had a nice chat and are planning on getting our families together later this summer. They have a daughter a year older than Avery so it should be fun for everyone!

No new pics of Avery this week... is that terrible? I'll post a few of Tate anyway. My mom did take a few this weekend of Avery dressed up as a mom (anytime she dresses up and it involves shoes that are too big she says she's a mom... when she wears dresses she says she's a teacher; not sure where that came from!). She was wearing a lime green and blue leotard, red patent leather high heels and my mom's green purse. My mom asked her to smile so she could take a picture of her as a mommy and Avery said "I'm a mom and moms can't smile." Nice, Avery. At least I know that was just her two year old sassiness talking and that she doesn't really think that I am always sober faced.

Tate has started to really watch people as they talk. I got home from a meeting around 8:30 last night and he just wanted to watch me talk and sing to him. Newborns are cute and all, but I just love when babies get to the more interactive stage. He's started to coo a bit too. Fun, fun! Have a great weekend and I'll try to post some pictures of Avery soon.

Our weekend in pictures

We had a busy weekend. I took tons of pictures, so instead of taking an hour to write about everything we did, I'll just post pics of the highlights.

Friday night Tate, Avery and I hung out at home while Josh worked at Scheel's. Tate did a lot of this:

And Avery did a lot of this:

She loves to read to Tate and lay with him on the floor, so they did a bit of that too. Saturday morning we got up, picked my grandma up and tried to watch my mom run her first 5K, but we missed her in both spots. Avery was all ready with her sign! It was great to have my grandma there to help out; two kids is fine at home but getting in and out of the car or walking for any distance gets tough. We also went to the Fargodome to watch my aunt Julie finish the half marathon.

On our way home from the Dome, we stopped to see my grandpa working in the field (Avery's papa). Here is a picture of Avery and my cousins Kai and Anna with papa.

After a quick lunch and nap at home, Ave and I dropped Tate off at grandma Jane's house so Avery and her friend Marcus could do the half mile kids run associated with the Fargo Marathon. The wind was blowing about 30 mph, so you can guess how much of the run she actually did... She ran half and I ran half with her in my arms. She loved getting her finisher's medal at the end though!
Saturday night after Josh got home from Scheel's, my friend Alissa and I picked up flowers from the greenhouse. I'm about to head back there right now... this will be my third (and according to Josh, FINAL) trip to buy flowers for the year. Saturday night we picked up pizza from Papa Murphy's. This is Avery while waiting for the pizzas to bake. For those of you that know her well, these pictures capture her perfectly!

Sunday Josh worked and Avery and I planted flowers. Tate napped. Avery was so excited to plant her marigold. She doesn't understand that they're called marigolds; she calls them miracles, but whatever. :) I don't think she liked it once she started... take a look at her expression.

She ended up planting one or two and I did the rest. She spent most of the rest of Sunday wandering around our backyard talking to imaginary people on her phone.

And one last cute picture of Tate for good measure...

And yes, we take tons of pictures. I would say over 200 a week. Yikes!

Not much else is new with us. We tend to like it that way... after a year of many, many changes we are enjoying our "uneventful" life. Both kids are doing great. Avery is as challenging as ever... On Monday Josh brought the kids to my office after work. Avery was carrying a baby and a cup. Josh asked her to hold his hand since they were in a parking lot. She looked up at him (mind you she's not even 3 yet...) and said: "Daddy, I can't hold your hand. I can only hold your hand if I have three hands because I'm already carrying two things. But I don't have three hands, I only have two so I can't hold your hand right now." We are seriously going to have our hands full with her. Tate is getting stronger every day and is still sleeping well. Our family is going to a RedHawks game next month with the Down syndrome group from the FM area so we're looking forward to that. It will be nice to meet other families who have been through this before. Not that other people don't understand, but there's just something comforting about talking to someone who's been in our shoes.

Have a great Memorial day everyone!

Eyes, ears and undies

Typically Tate gets top billing in the blog posts... usually just because Tate has more topics to update everyone on. Today though, Avery gets to be the star. At 2 years and 9.5 months old, she's finally out of diapers! Josh and I are thrilled (and VERY relieved)! We had tried everything, even bribing with candy (swore I would never do that... note to self: never say never when it comes to kids!). In the end, I don't think it was any individual technique that we tried that worked. I think she just decided she was ready! She's very excited now because she gets to go to bible school at church this summer and start preschool in the fall at the Y- both things were on hold as long as she was still in diapers. Woo hoo Avery!

Tate's opthalmology appointment went well last week. Let me rephrase that... we got good news at the appointment, but the staff was less than comfortable working with an infant and they were less than tactful about Tate having Down syndrome. I know I'm a bit sensitive about terminology and how people address Tate, but I try to be pretty forgiving with the general public. Four months ago, I wouldn't have known much about person first language either (I'll explain this in a bit). It's not something most people learn about until they have firsthand experience with someone with a disability. When we're in a clinic though, I expect that the staff have been trained on how to address people with special needs. The nurse at the eye clinic came and got us from the lobby and took us back to the room. She didn't have any background info on Tate, so she asked what the purpose of the visit was. I told her that mainly, we wanted to rule out congenital cataracts because he has Down syndrome, but also to check his vision overall. She looked at Tate and said "Oh, he's Downs? He doesn't even look like it!" and proceeded to keep checking out his face from different angles looking for any evidence. Am I overly sensitive about this? Yes, and I know that's my issue. It just frustrates me when people say "Tate is Downs." He isn't Downs, he has Down syndrome. Just like you don't want one trait to define your child, I don't want my child's disability to define who he is. It's most definitely a part of him, but doesn't define him. Person first language places the person, Tate, before his or her disability. Tate isn't a Down syndrome kid, Tate has Down syndrome. Another example would be a kid with autism... they aren't an autistic child, they are a child with autism. Make sense? This little change goes a long way for those of us with special kiddos. End of rant and back to Tate's eyes! There is no evidence of cataracts but he is pretty farsighted. Most newborns are pretty farsighted, but Tate is slightly more farsighted than what we'd expect at his age. They want to see him again in four months and determine at that point whether he'll need glasses. If he does need them, he will be fitted for glasses around 9 months. That may seem early to some of you, but if he can't see he can't learn as quickly!

We had his third audiology appointment today. The woman we work with at Innovis is so great. She's comfortable working with kids and can quickly get the tests done- a huge feat on squirmy Tate! He had an ABR done today. I honestly have no idea what that stands for, but it involves placing three electrodes on his scalp and placing things in his ear to emit sounds. The electrodes then measure if and how his brain interprets the sound, I believe. Sorry about the vague info- I don't care how this test works, just that Tate can hear! And he can hear perfectly- his hearing in both ears is great! I was very relieved with these results too- no hearing aids or tubes yet. Kids with Down syndrome are prone to ear infections and fluid behind the ear drum (often doesn't cause pain but interferes with hearing) so she wants to check him again when he's sitting up on his own to make sure his hearing is still good.

Therapy is still going well too. His muscle tone continues to impress all of us. He's batting at toys and holding on the them for a bit on his own. Avery didn't do that until she was about his age so he's about on track with some of his developmental milestones. We're focusing on head control and bringing his arms to midline this week. He can roll to his side, but then his arm gets kind of stuck behind him...once he can bring his arms to midline he'll be able to roll over in no time!

Whew- that was a lot of info! Not much else is new. Josh is busy gearing up with deck business for the summer and finishing up the school year. He and the K-Kids group he leads at school went to the Special Olympics this morning to cheer for the athletes. I'm guessing that was planned long before Tate was born, but it's definitely more personally relevant to Josh now. In 2000, Josh and I volunteered at Special Olympics together in Minneapolis. I heard an ad for volunteers on the radio and thought it would be a fun thing for us to do together. Kind of crazy looking back on it now- I never thought we'd be the parents in the stands someday! :)

Avery is going to run the kid's half mile run this weekend after the Fargo Marathon. She's excited- she gets to run with her friend Marcus and get a medal at the end. I think she'll have fun with it, it's just a matter of how many times we'll have to stop to go potty... Oh, and Tate is smiling all the time now, and even starting to giggle out loud. So cute!

Happy Mother's Day!

Just a quick post for now... I'll add more later about Tate's eye appt. I came across this piece online last night. While I don't agree with everything it says, the part about saying mama for the first time brought me to tears! Enjoy!

The SpecialMother
by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you everwonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious."Why this one God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her tohave too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".
"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

Like I said, I don't agree with everything in the piece. I don't think I'm God's gift to mothers, nor do I think I'm perfect. What I do believe is that before Tate was born, I was rushing through life, rarely taking enough time to enjoy the important things... kids and family. Tate has forced me to be more intentional with my life and to just enjoy the process. Having a child with special needs has blessed our family in ways that I never could've imagined. I'm sure Tate will continue to open our eyes as the years go on. I'm honored to be his (and Avery's) mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

Finally caught a smile!

Tate had his weight check today and he's finally passed the ten pound mark! He gained 13 ounces since and grew 1/2'' since last Tuesday! Today's weight was 10 lbs 4 ozs. He'll have another follow up on the 16th, so hopefully he continues to pack on the pounds. There's nothing cuter than a chubby baby!

He's been working quite a bit on tummy time lately. I caught this picture of him this morning. I think it's my favorite picture of him so far. I love the little grin!

Not much else has changed around here. Tate has his hearing and vision appointments next week so we'll update sometime after that. Have a great weekend!